The event worth attending should leave room for the person you actually are that day.

Occasions get planned for an average guest who does not exist. Real people arrive tired, grieving, newly unwell, in pain, sober, shy, or simply not up to the version of themselves the room expects. A gathering that only works if everybody is at their best is a narrow one, and it quietly excludes anyone having a hard month. Room to be less than sparkling belongs in the design.

If you are arranging something, build in a quiet corner, an easy exit, and food that suits more than one way of eating. If you are attending, allow yourself to go as you are rather than not going at all.