People remember your intention more generously when they did not have to absorb the effect.

Your view of what you did is built mostly from what you meant. The person on the other side is working from what landed, and the gap between those two accounts widens with the size of the effect they had to carry. That is why an apology built around explaining your intention often makes things worse rather than better.

Before defending what you meant, try describing what the other person had to deal with. If you can say that part accurately, the intention usually needs much less explaining than you expected.