A holiday can belong deeply to someone who celebrates it quietly.

Belonging is not measured in volume. A person who marks a day with one candle, one dish, one hour of remembering may be closer to what the day means than a house full of noise. Public display is one way of holding something and privacy is another. Neither has the stronger claim on a tradition.

If your own observance is small this year, let it be small without apology. And when you ask other people about their holidays, leave room for answers that are not festive. Someone quietly keeping a day may be glad you thought to ask at all.