A shared loss becomes harder when people begin protecting their individual accounts first.

Grief within a family often turns into a quiet argument about whose version is right. Who was closest, who did most, who understood them best: each person defends their own account because it holds their relationship with the person who died, and the defending puts distance between people who need each other. Nobody intends it, and it happens all the same.

If you are in the middle of this, try asking someone what they remember rather than correcting what they said. Let two versions sit side by side without deciding between them. There is usually room for every account, and the loss is heavy enough without carrying it separately.