All offences come from the heart.

Harm starts before the act. By the time something unkind is said, the wanting has already been there for a while, in the resentment you did not examine or the contempt you let sit. Circumstances supply the occasion, never the motive, which is why the same provocation produces a shrug from one person and damage from another. Whatever is in you is what comes out under pressure.

Rather than managing your behaviour alone, look at what you are carrying towards a particular person. Name the resentment honestly, to yourself at least, and deal with it before it finds an exit. The moment of provocation is too late to start.