The natural effect of sorrow over the dead is to refine and elevate the mind.

Over time, loss can change how a person sees almost everything. Petty concerns may lose their hold, tenderness toward others’ pain may grow, and what matters may come into sharper focus. Some grieving people notice something like that eventually, a deepening they would never have chosen and would give back in an instant.

If your loss is recent, there is no expectation that it should be making you wiser or better. Grief is allowed to be simply grief. Should you later find that it has left you gentler or clearer, you can recognise that without it having been worth the price.