Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.

Caring about somebody costs you a portion of your self-regard, and that is the price rather than a side effect. You hand over the position of sole centre of your own story, and in return you get somebody whose wellbeing weighs as much as yours. It cannot be done while keeping full control of how you are seen.

Which explains why some people stay just outside real attachment; it is an accurate reading of the exposure. If you notice yourself managing how you appear to somebody close, try dropping it once. Say the unimpressive true thing and watch what it does to the distance.