All sympathy not consistent with acknowledged virtue is but disguised selfishness.

Fellow feeling can be a cover for something else. Pity that keeps somebody dependent, loyalty that shields a friend from a consequence they need, tenderness that is really a wish to be seen as kind: all of it feels like compassion from the inside. The test on offer is whether your sympathy squares with what you otherwise say is right.

It is a harsh standard, best applied gently and mostly to yourself. When you are moved to help, ask what the help is for and whom it serves. Real kindness sometimes means saying the thing that will not make you popular in the room.