You can’t learn from someone while you’re busy loading your comeback.

Preparing your reply uses the same attention that listening needs, so the moment you start building it, you stop receiving anything except the parts useful to your argument. That is why a heated conversation can run for an hour with neither person able to say what the other actually claimed. Both were writing while the other was talking.

Try holding your response until they fully stop, just once, even if the pause feels long. Then say back what you heard before you add anything. It slows the whole thing down, and you will find you have a better answer than the one you were building.