People who push your buttons are just showing you which wires are exposed.

The person annoying you is rarely a skilled surgeon. They said something ordinary and it landed hard, which usually means it touched a place that was already sore. The size of your reaction is information about you, not a measurement of them.

When you go from calm to furious in two seconds this week, get curious before you get even. Ask what the comment implied about you, and whether some part of you is already half afraid it is true. That is the sore spot, and tending it does more than winning the exchange ever will.