Helping someone grow feels different from helping them stay stuck. Learn to tell which one you’re doing.

Two things that both look like kindness can have opposite effects. Covering for someone repeatedly, doing the part they are afraid of, making it so they never face the thing: all of it is comfortable and leaves them where they were. Real help usually costs the helper something and the other person a little discomfort.

Ask one question before you step in: will this make them more able to do it next time, or less. Then help in the way that answers yes. Sitting with someone while they do the hard part beats doing it for them.