Listen to the voice in your head telling you what you should be. Then check whose voice it actually is.

The standards you hold yourself to came from somewhere, and most arrived before you were old enough to weigh them. A parent’s disappointment, a coach’s phrase, something a teacher said once in passing: those get absorbed and then replayed in your own voice, which makes them feel self-generated. The should is frequently somebody else’s, still running years after they stopped saying it.

When the next one shows up, try to hear the original speaker. Ask whether you would sign up for that standard today. Some you will keep, and the kept ones become yours for the first time.