If you can’t say it without screaming, you haven’t figured out what you’re actually trying to say.

Volume usually fills in for clarity. When you are shouting, the feeling is fully formed but the point underneath it is not, so the noise does the work the sentence cannot. That is why the same argument keeps repeating: nothing precise has been said yet, only loudly.

When you feel the heat rising, stop and finish two lines quietly in your head. What I want is, and what happened was. If you cannot complete both, you are not ready to have it out, and coming back at normal volume is also when they can hear you.