A friend group that needs to keep people out to feel special isn’t a crew. It’s a velvet rope.

A group that draws its identity from who it excludes does not have much of its own. The bond has to be held up by the boundary, which means somebody always has to be outside for the inside to feel like anything. That rule eventually turns inward, because a group in the habit of excluding will do it to a member the first time one becomes inconvenient. Everybody inside can sense that, which is why those groups stay tense.

Invite one person in this week who usually gets left at the edge. Notice who becomes uncomfortable about it, because that tells you plenty.