“If you really cared, you would...” is pressure with a guilt trip attached. Notice when you’re the one saying it.

That phrasing works by turning a request into a test of love, so refusing means failing the relationship rather than declining a favor. It is effective, which is the problem, because what it produces is compliance instead of willingness. People moved that way slowly stop telling you the truth. It usually comes out of genuine hurt, which is why it is so easy to miss in your own mouth.

Ask for what you want plainly and let the other person be able to say no. When it gets used on you, answer the request and leave the accusation alone. Both halves get easier with practice.