It’s hard to lead people you secretly look down on. They can feel it through the walls.

Contempt is almost impossible to hide. It shows in timing, in how long you wait before answering, in which suggestions you take seriously without having to think about it. People rarely name the feeling but they read it accurately, and no amount of correct behavior on the surface compensates for what they sense underneath.

If you find yourself managing your tone constantly around someone, the problem is not your tone. Go and learn something about what they are actually good at. Respect that arrives through knowledge is much harder to fake and much easier to keep.