The wisest response is not always proportional to how strongly you feel.

The strength of a feeling tells you about you, not about what the situation requires. A small slight can produce enormous anger, and a serious problem can produce almost nothing because it arrived quietly. Matching your response to your emotional volume means letting your history set the scale for other people’s lives. The fitting response often feels too small when you are stirred up and too effortful when you are numb.

When you are about to respond to something at full intensity, ask what a fair response would look like to someone watching who cared about everyone involved. Then ask what you would want done if the positions were reversed. If those answers are milder than your impulse, follow them.