Anger narrows attention, which is why important details often disappear during it.

Anger is a spotlight. It concentrates everything on the offense and the offender, and the surrounding information goes dark: the person’s history with you, their exhaustion, the part you played, the fact that this will look small next week. That narrowing is useful in a genuine emergency and disastrous in an argument, where the missing details are usually the ones that would have resolved it.

If you must engage while angry, ask one deliberately widening question. What else might be going on for them. What did I contribute. What will matter about this in a month. You will not feel less angry, but you will be operating with more of the picture.