It’s hard to hear anything new while you’re busy rehearsing your reply.

Preparing your response uses the same attention that listening requires, so the two cannot happen at once. While you assemble the counterargument the other person is still talking, which is why conversations become two speeches delivered in turn. You end up responding to what you predicted rather than to what was said.

Try letting a full silence sit after someone finishes, before you begin. Ask one question about what they said before you offer your own view. Most disagreements shrink when at least one person has actually heard the other one out.