A calm answer can protect you from spending days repairing a heated one.

A heated reply takes ten seconds and can take weeks to undo. The apologies, the awkwardness, the slow rebuilding of someone’s trust that you will not do it again. A measured response, which costs only the discomfort of not discharging the feeling immediately, skips all of that. The arithmetic is heavily in favor of restraint and almost never feels that way in the moment.

When you feel the pull to answer sharply, ask what the repair will cost if you do. Then buy yourself the smallest possible delay: a glass of water, a walk around the block, a decision to reply after lunch. You lose almost nothing by waiting and often save a great deal.