An insult is a letter that says more about the return address than the person it was mailed to.

What people throw at you is assembled from their own material: what they fear, what they were told, what they cannot stand in themselves. That is why insults so often miss, describing somebody you do not recognize. The accuracy of an attack usually reports on the attacker’s state rather than yours.

When something cutting lands, hold it for a second before absorbing it. Ask whether it fits what you know about yourself, and whether the person was calm when they said it. If neither, you can set it down without needing them to take it back.