People talk about their fears when they’re nervous, even if they call it small talk.

Nervous talk is rarely random. The subjects people reach for under pressure tend to be the things already on their mind, so the complaint about traffic or the joke about failing is often the real worry in a light costume. Small talk is where it gets to be said without being announced.

Listen for what someone keeps circling back to rather than for what they say directly. If the same subject comes up twice in one conversation, ask about it plainly and gently. Most people are relieved to be asked, because they were talking about it the whole time.