Watch out for people who hype you in DMs and roast you in the group chat. The public version is the real one.

Private warmth and public treatment should match, and when they do not, the public one is the honest measurement. Praise in private costs nothing and risks nothing, while how someone talks about you in front of an audience shows what they will spend standing on. The split is about their comfort, not about you.

Notice how someone speaks to you when there is a crowd to play to. One incident is not a conviction, but a pattern is worth taking seriously. And watch your own version of it, since most people have been kinder one to one than in a room.