The right person makes your nervous system calm down, not spin up.

Intensity is easy to confuse with connection, especially when the stakes feel high. A racing pulse can mean interest, but it can also mean you are bracing, guessing, waiting to find out which version of them turns up. Safety feels quieter than that and a good deal less cinematic. Being able to breathe around someone is not boring, it is the actual point.

Pay attention to what your shoulders do when their name appears on your phone. If the answer is tighten, that is worth sitting with rather than explaining away. Choose more of the company that lets you unclench.