Sometimes the thing keeping a story alive is your refusal to let it end without making sense.

Some events do not make sense, and the search for the reason is what keeps them present. As long as you are still assembling the explanation, the thing remains an open file, reviewed and re-reviewed, with each pass reopening the injury. The desire for it to mean something is entirely understandable, and it can be the mechanism keeping it alive.

Consider what it would take to let something be unexplained. Not accepted as fair, not resolved, just closed without a satisfying account. That is a real loss and often a smaller one than the years spent looking. If it helps, say out loud that you may never know why.