The version of yourself you defend most aggressively may be the one you secretly doubt most.

The claims you defend loudest are usually the ones you are least sure of. Settled qualities do not need protecting; you can hear them questioned without much reaction. The fierce response is a signal that something is being touched that you have not resolved, which is why criticism in that area lands so much harder than criticism elsewhere.

Notice which remarks make you disproportionately defensive. Rather than winning that argument, sit with the possibility that the doubt is yours rather than theirs. Looking at it directly is uncomfortable and it costs less than defending the position forever.