In every fight you’ve had this year, there’s one person who was present for all of them.

There is one variable present in every conflict you have had. That does not mean each fight was your doing, since some people really are difficult and some situations really are unfair, and it does mean the common element is worth looking at honestly. The pattern is usually small and repeatable: a tone, a trigger, a point where you escalate. Finding it is a relief rather than a verdict.

List the last few arguments and look for the shared step. Ask someone who has seen more than one of them what they noticed. Change the single move that turns up every time and watch what happens.