Demanding loyalty you don’t give is like expecting a refund on something you never paid for.

Asymmetric demands eventually become visible. Wanting to be defended, prioritized and chosen is reasonable, and it has to be matched by doing those things yourself, or what you are asking for is a service rather than a relationship. People tolerate the imbalance for a while and then quietly stop. They rarely announce the moment they decided.

Before asking for loyalty, look at the last three occasions when you could have given it and did not. Start there instead of with the conversation. Whatever you supply consistently is what you will eventually be able to ask for.