The need to understand every motive can become another way of refusing to accept what happened.

Insisting on knowing exactly why can be a way of keeping the door open. As long as the motive is unresolved, the event is not finished, and you are still working on it rather than living with it. The search feels like the responsible response and can function as a very long delay before acceptance.

If you have been trying to understand someone’s reasons for a long time, ask what you would do if you had the answer. Often the answer would change nothing practical. That is worth knowing, because it means the work in front of you is acceptance rather than investigation.