Ask three friends to describe you in one word. Then sit quietly with the answers.

One word forces people past politeness and into whatever is strongest in their impression of you. It is a crude instrument and that is the point, because detail lets everybody be diplomatic. Three answers side by side usually show you something you half knew, and occasionally something you would never have guessed.

Ask, and then do the hard part, which is saying thank you and stopping there. No follow-up questions defending yourself, no explaining what they must have meant. Sit with the three words for a week before deciding what, if anything, to do about them.