When your stepmom says something that lands wrong, ask what she meant before you decide what she meant.

New family arrangements come with a lot of guessing on both sides, and a neutral sentence from somebody you have not known long is easy to hear as a dig. Once you settle on the unkind reading you start collecting evidence for it, and after a while the collection becomes the relationship. Usually the answer is duller than the story you were building.

When something stings, say that it came out sounding a particular way and ask whether it was meant like that. Keep your voice flat rather than accusing. If it was meant that way, at least you now know.