When you can’t tell what a friend needs, offer two options. Choosing is easier than explaining.

Somebody in the middle of something hard often cannot answer an open question, because working out what they want is itself more effort than they have. Two choices takes that work away and leaves them with a decision they can make in a second. It also quietly tells them what is on offer, which is easier than asking.

Next time, name two specific things: whether they want company or quiet, whether they want you to help fix it or just sit with it. Let a no to both be fine. And keep the options small enough that you can genuinely do either.