You can understand someone’s reasons without approving their actions.

Understanding is not agreement, though people frequently treat it as a concession. You can see clearly why someone did what they did, follow the logic from inside their situation, and still judge the action wrong and refuse it. Keeping those separate is what makes it possible to deal with people you disagree with at all.

In your next hard conversation, try saying back the other person’s reasoning accurately before you say what you think. The disagreement usually survives, and the conversation improves considerably.