Your parents were figuring it out as they went. Some of what they got right cost them more than you know.

Nobody arrives at parenting trained. What looked like authority was usually a decision made quickly with incomplete information, and some of the calls that turned out well were paid for in money, sleep, or something given up quietly. You saw the outcome, not the price or the uncertainty behind it.

Ask about a decision you have always just accepted, a move, a school, a job taken or refused, and ask what it cost. Listen without arguing the point, even if you disagree with how it went. One conversation like that usually tells you more about your family than ten years of guessing did.