A divorce, a move, a lost job: changes you didn’t choose still get shaped by choices you do make.

Some things arrive without asking you and there is nothing to be done about the fact of them. What is still open is narrower and real: who you talk to, what you keep hold of, how you treat the people around you while it is happening. None of that undoes it, and all of it changes what the next year looks like.

If you are in the middle of something you did not choose, pick two small things to keep steady. Sleep, one person you tell the truth to, one thing you still turn up for. Leave the large questions until later.