Friendship becomes safer when competition stops hiding inside compliments.

Competition inside a friendship rarely announces itself. It arrives as a compliment with a qualifier, as advice that arrives right after your good news, as enthusiasm that runs slightly cold. Everyone can feel it and almost nobody names it, which is why it corrodes quietly. Once it is out in the open it usually loses most of its power.

Notice your own reaction to a friend’s success before you respond. If there is a sting, admit it privately and then say the plain congratulation anyway. Handled honestly, the rivalry stops needing to disguise itself.