If your coach, your grandma and your followers would describe three different people, one of them is fake.

Everybody adjusts their tone across rooms, and that much is just manners. The question is whether the adjustments are surface or whether the values underneath change with the audience, because then at least two of those descriptions are inventions you have to keep maintaining. Running several versions is tiring, and eventually they meet.

Imagine the three of them comparing notes and see which claim would collapse first. Then move one thing toward the truth, in whichever room it is easiest. The target is a self that needs no managing, not a self that impresses everyone.