Influence isn’t getting people to agree with you. It’s people thinking better when you’re around.

One version of influence is really just winning, where people end up agreeing with you and nothing else changes. The better version is harder to see from outside, since what happens is that people around you reason more carefully, consider things they would have skipped, say the awkward true thing because you made that normal. You can have all of that without anyone adopting your opinion.

Pay attention to how conversations go when you are in them. Notice whether people think out loud or wait for your verdict. Try asking a real question and then staying genuinely quiet for a while.