Some truths hurt because they remove the person you planned to blame.

Some realizations sting mainly because they take away a place to put the responsibility. As long as there is someone to hold accountable, the situation has a shape and a villain and a reason it is not yours to solve. When that person turns out not to be the cause, you are left holding something heavier and less organized.

Be gentle with yourself in that moment, because losing a place to put blame is a real loss even when the truth is better. Give it a day before deciding what to do. Then ask what is now yours to move, without treating the whole history as your fault.