You can’t hate yourself into a better version. Nobody ever got coached well by someone who despised them.

Contempt is a terrible teacher. A coach who thinks you are worthless does not get more out of you, they get a player who is scared and tight, and you already know this from the outside. Running that same voice inside your own head produces the same result, which is why the self-loathing stretch never turns into the improvement you were promised.

Listen to how you narrate your own mistakes for one day. When the voice turns into insults, swap in what a good coach would actually say: the specific thing to fix, and nothing about your character.