Listening isn’t signing up to fix it. Ask: “Do you want advice, or just an ear?”

A lot of advice is given because the silence is uncomfortable, not because anybody asked for it. When someone tells you something difficult, the instinct to solve it can shut down the part where they were still working out what they feel. Those are two different kinds of help and they are not interchangeable. Asking which one is wanted takes about four seconds.

Use the question out loud next time: are you after suggestions, or would you rather I just listened. Then do that one, including when the answer is an ear and you can see the obvious fix. Keeping the fix to yourself is its own kind of help.