When someone says “I’m only telling you because I care,” check whether they’re helping or stirring.

Prefacing something with concern does not make it concern. Some of what arrives that way is genuine and lands softly, and some of it is gossip looking for a respectable door, with the giveaway being what you are left holding. Help leaves you better placed to do something. Stirring leaves you anxious and holding information you cannot use.

Ask yourself afterwards what you are supposed to do with what you just heard. If the answer is nothing, that was not care, and you are allowed to let it stop with you. You can also say you would rather hear it from the person it is about.