Pay attention to what you defend without thinking. That’s where your values or your blind spots live.

Instant defensiveness is a signal rather than a verdict. When a comment gets a reaction out of you before you have thought about it, something there matters, and the next question is which kind of something: a value you actually hold, or a sore spot you would rather not examine. Both are worth knowing. The speed of the reaction is what marks the spot.

Notice the next thing you defend automatically, then come back to it an hour later. Ask whether you would still argue it while calm. Keep whatever holds up.