You notice when people fail in public. You rarely notice when they quietly try again. Look for that.

Failing happens in front of everybody, and trying again happens in an empty gym at seven in the morning. That is why your mental picture of people is so heavily weighted toward their worst moments; the recovery generates no audience and no story. Most of the real work in anybody’s life is invisible by nature.

So go looking for the second attempt, in other people and in yourself. When somebody comes back to the thing they were humiliated at, say that you noticed, because almost nobody does. And count your own returns rather than your failures, since the returns are the part that actually predicts anything.