Knowing what you don’t want is half of knowing what you do. Write both lists.

A clear no is as informative as a clear yes, and it usually arrives earlier. Most people can name what they will not put up with long before they can name what they want, so that list is easier to start and it narrows the field fast. The two also check each other, since a want that contradicts a hard no deserves a second look.

Write them tonight on one page, five each, about work or people or how you want your days to go. Keep them concrete enough to recognise. Then use them the next time a choice comes up, because a list you never consult is just handwriting.