You cannot resolve what both people describe as completely different events without first aligning facts.

When the accounts of what actually happened are incompatible, arguing about meaning is pointless. You are interpreting different events. Sorting out sequence and facts is unglamorous and it has to come first or the conversation just circles.

Slow down and establish what you can both agree occurred, in order, before discussing what it meant. Some of it will be unrecoverable and that is fine. The shared portion is enough to build the rest of the conversation on.