A sincere question can uncover the misunderstanding beneath an accusation.

Behind most accusations sits a misunderstanding that a genuine question would expose in thirty seconds. What did you mean by that, or what did you think I was doing. Asked with real curiosity rather than as a challenge, it frequently dissolves the whole thing.

The difficulty is asking without an edge, when you are already annoyed. Try it anyway, and if you cannot manage it now, wait until you can. A sincere question is one of the few tools that works in the middle of a conflict.