People share more with someone who isn’t trying to win the conversation.

People can tell when they are being handled. The moment somebody senses that your questions are aimed at scoring a point, they go careful, and what you get is the polished version everyone gets. Dropping the need to win is what makes you safe to talk to, and safe to talk to is how you learn what is actually going on.

In one conversation this week, decide in advance that you are only there to understand. Ask a follow-up instead of offering a counterexample. Notice how much more arrives when you are not keeping score.