At the next reunion, ask the oldest person what they’re proudest of. The answer will probably surprise you.

People who have had time to sort through their own lives rarely land where you would guess. What they name is often small and unglamorous, something involving another person rather than an achievement anyone clapped for. Hearing it quietly rearranges your own sense of what counts.

At the next family gathering, find the oldest person there and ask that one question. Then stay quiet long enough to get a real answer instead of a polite one.