A friend who asks “did you eat?” before “how’d it go?” has their priorities straight.

That question is about you rather than your performance. Asking how it went treats you as a result to be reported, while asking whether you have eaten treats you as a person who might be hungry and tired, and the second is a much better guess about what you need in the ten minutes after something hard. Care tends to be practical. It shows up as food, water and a lift home.

Try leading with the practical question this week when a friend comes out of something difficult. Bring a snack and ask nothing for a while. The performance can be discussed once they are fed and sitting down.